While scouring the archives at DOUBLE-NOT WORLD HEADQUARTERS, I happened on this draft exploring the color choices for each MLB uniform. I felt a bit like someone else wrote this and sent it to me. I managed to amuse myself enough to post here.
For more robust coverage of MLB aesthetics, I'll refer you to a ranking of caps I did in the same year, which I'm quite proud of. And the comments section carries its weight, too. See also my top and bottom 5 MLB fashion icons. I'd probably take Hideki Matsui out of my bottom five if I did it all over again.
The rumors of a rebooted orange Marlins uniform got me to thinking: where did the teal of their original uniforms come from anyway? Did it derive from the silvery, teal sheen of the marlin as it burst our of the water, soaring at the end of a Missouri businessman's line?
That got me thinking about the colors that make that comprise a uniform. How does a uniform color relate to the actual mascot or mascot concept it purports to represent? What is the nature of the relationship?
I will now attempt to answer that question, for each team:
New York Yankees: Navy blue is, what, the color of the thread used to construct the carpet bag the northerner totes with him on his travels to every corner of the nation, spreading ideas about abolition and undermining local business efforts? And the navy pinstripes, with their subtle inversion of the Wall Street uniform, what a stroke of genius.
Detroit Tigers: The tigerly orange is accompanied by a navy blue that serves as a comely platter on which the feline awesomeness is served.
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: If you mix the bright red and white of the Angels colors, you would achieve the hazy pale pink hue that tinges the the cloud-walls of heaven.
Kansas City Royals: Royal blue: bam, next team!
Tampa Bay Rays: I suppose that an intensely aimed ray of sunlight will bleach your eyeballs until navy blue looks like powder blue.
New York Mets: The orange glow like an industrial halo surrounding the purplish haze of the Mets uniform reflects a welcoming yet distinctly urban motif.
Chicago Cubs: Old prospector: "Why, I haven't sheen a light blue baby bear in theesh parts in thirty moosh hunts."
Washington Nationals: Despite the undeniable presence of a noncommittal red, the Nats uniforms still seem colorless.
Toronto Blue Jays: I'm no ornithologist, but these team colors seem to correspond exactly with the bird type in question. Points for verisimilitude and accuracy. Points off for disembodied bird heads (though I'm venturing out of the realm of colors alone).
Baltimore Orioles: Bird mascots and color schemes are on a roll. Inappropriately non-color-related points awarded for full bodiedness.
Cincinnati Reds: Not since the days of the Wilmington Aquamarines of the Eastern Carolina Federal Prison League has a franchise relied so heavily upon its team colors.
Colorado Rockies: Purple + black = a John Denver crescendo.
Los Angeles Dodgers: I'm at a loss here. Blue and white sure look nice….
San Diego Padres: In one of the stranger turns in uniform color-changing, the Padres went from wearing brown, the very appropriate color of a padre's monkish robes, to steel blue, the color of an IHOP waitress' waist-apron.
Cleveland Indians: Maroon is the color of a Native American person's skin, right? Navy blue is the color of loss and ridicule. I'm not quite sure how anyone can justify this anymore.
Texas Rangers: Royal blue and red are very nearly the colors of the Texas flag.
Arizona Diamondbacks: I had to look up the diamondback snake to recall the colors of its reptile skin. Was it bright red, with pitch black scales? I'll tell you one thing: it certainly wasn't purple and teal.
Oakland Athletics: This team's primary color is white shoes. Green is the color of jealousy, meaning in this case anyone that is not wearing white shoes.
Houston Astros: The bricks of one of the buildings at the Johnson Space Center is very likely the color of a brick.
Milwaukee Brewers: When Bernie the Brewer gets housed on the local brew and takes a header down the slide stairs, navy is the hue of the shiner he walks in the door with at work on Monday morning.
Pittsburgh Pirates: Any reputable pirate captain flies a black flag with goldenrod highlights.
Seattle Mariners: Navy blue and teal are among the varied and glorious hues of mother ocean. The silver highlights recall the futile mirage that tempts the doldrummed sailor into chasing his mermaid lover over the side of the boat.
San Francisco Giants: What came first, the black of the uniform or Brian Wilson's beard? Seriously, I can't remember anymore, and I want some Taco Bell bad. Orange is, obviously, the color most associated with giants.
Boston Red Sox: What's the deal with team names with socks with colors?
Chicago White Sox: What's the deal with team names with colorless socks?
Atlanta Braves: See Indians, Cleveland.
St. Louis Cardinals: Cardinals are the name of the bird and the color. This is the perfect team color. Deal with it.
